“Dear Sam,
You’re the only person
I’ve got left! Everyone fled when they understood! You know what, only you are
there, like a star in the cloudless sky, for me. Only you will
understand, only you know how it feels. You are the last person I can share my
pain with. Sam… she’s gone! She’s away! She left me. She fled like the others…
Do you know how I feel now? Can you only imagine what is it? Hm, Sam, it’s
April and outside is snowing! Perhaps with you it’s not, seems the weather
suffers with me, it feels my thoughts. What was I telling you... yeah, I think
this is the last time I write you. No, don’t struggle, you know you can’t stop
me, you are the only one who knew me - no one else: my parents live in another
universe, my friends - on another planet. Haha, nooo, I am not going insane, I
just realized I don’t have any friends… I had Her. She was my God, my goal, my
destiny, my life, my friends. She was the meaning of my existence… she was the
haze after a summer storm. Only memories, Sam, only memories for this is the
purpose of memories: to abandon the present, to leave “now” and to seek into
the black, stinking tunnel of the past. Memories hurt, if there is a Satan, he
is the memories. Memories burn, memories make you feel drunk and sick, sick of
this never-ending tape… how beautiful she was when I was lying on the warm sand
and my feet were caressed by the waves. How beautiful was her scent when I was
running in the pine forest, my lungs were full of pine-cones, resin and some
strange scent of some flowers, my eyes were filled with green, brown,
mushrooms, little stones. See now, memories only burn your heart. Sam, Sam, she
left me, she was taken away! What? What did you think? No, no… what girl do you
mean? No, Sam, I wasn’t talking about a girl. You know me! I am not so
superficial, damn! I was talking about her - the Freedom. The most beautiful,
magical, fabulous and meaningful thing in my life. I lost my Freedom, you fool.
What is love to an eagle without wings, what means a beautiful girl to an
artist without hands? This is what I lost…
Now there is only
darkness, endless gloom, no light, nothing and bars… scary, cold, iron bars.
And people, many people like me, people who lost something. Empty bodies which
are carried helplessly in the mighty spring torrent. No air, no hope, no
future, only… bars.
Sam, now you understand.
She is not here, because this is the only place she can’t live. And I did it
for her, because of her I am here. I just didn’t want to lose her and she fled!
Why, when we appreciate a thing so much, it is often taken from us? Or we take
it by ourselves, or we are the ones to do it - no devils, no magic, no cruel
gods? Don’t answer, no one will ever read it. This is the last verse of my
song.
Yours,
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